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More Smile with Joke Only

. Wednesday, October 29, 2008
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Sex is like mathematics:

Add the bed, minus the lights, subtract the clothes, bring down the panty, divide the legs, then find the decimal point and be ready to multiply....

***

At their honeymoon:
60-yr old Pastor to his young bride:
'Honey, before we do it, let's first pray for guidance.' Young bride:
'Darling, just pray for endurance, I'll take care of the guidance!'

***

Anak: Mommy, ang ganda ng bracelet mo. Bigay ba ni Daddy yan?
Mommy: Ay naku anak, kung sa Daddy mo lang ako aasa, baka pati ikaw wala sa mundong ito.

***

Ano sa Tagalog ang asawa? ('May bahay')
Ano naman ang kabit? ('May condo')

***

Sa seminario:
Madre: 'Father, pagsabihan mo naman yung mga seminarista. Umiihi sila sa pader!'
Father: 'Sister naman. Maliit na bagay, huwag mo nang pansinin!'
Madre: 'Naku, Father, malalaki po, Malaki!'

***

BARTENDER: Sir, napansin ko bawat inom ninyo tumitingin kayo sa bulsa ninyo.
MAN: Ahh, ito? Picture ng Misis ko ito.... pagmaganda na siya sa tingin ko, uuwi na ako.


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Can Catholics support the RH bill? Yes!

. Wednesday, October 15, 2008
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Can one be a Catholic and still support the Reproductive Health bill?

Growing numbers of professional and educated lay Filipino Catholics believe they can. Increasingly uneasy that the unshakeable position of the Church contradicts directly their own understandings of Philippine realities, many are actually reading the bill to see for themselves – and emerging as its supporters.

Catholic NGO workers, social workers, and social science researchers working in poor rural and urban communities overflowing with malnourished, out-of-school children and youth have particular problems with the Church position. They find it difficult to accept that poor mothers and fathers who want to avoid a fourth or fifth pregnancy or wait a few years before the next one, should be condemned for choosing reliable, contraceptive family planning methods.

One urban poor woman was asked what the Church might say about her practice of saving part of her meager earnings to buy birth control pills every month. Her reply: "Ang simbahan ba ang magpapakain sa mga anak namin?(Will the Church feed my children?)"

Then there is the deafening silence of the Church on how to respond to the thousands of poor women who undergo clandestine, unsafe abortions for lack of access to modern family planning. In 2000, 473,000 women had induced abortions, 79,000 of them winding up in hospitals from complications, and 800 leaving as corpses.

The World Health Organization estimates that this already alarming 2000 statistic may by 2008 be as high as 800,000! Yet the Church remains in denial. Its spokespersons claim that their calculations yield "only 200,000" induced abortions.

Meanwhile, desperate women eking out a meager living for four to eight children and possibly supporting an unemployed or chronically drunk husband as well, consider the prospect of another child to be unthinkable - and go for an abortion.

Safe and effective choices

The bill recognizes this reality by offering poor women safer and more effective choices for preventing unplanned or unwanted pregnancies. Because it enables women to reject the unsafe abortion route, the bill can legitimately be called anti-abortion. The Church's position, on the other hand, poses the ultimate irony. By opposing contraceptive options for women but offering no other viable alternatives, it is in effect contributing to those 473,000 abortions.

The low priority given to women's needs results in their appalling health status. Ten die each day, or 3,650 per year, from pregnancy or childbirth-related causes. One Filipina out of 140 faces the risk of maternal death in her lifetime. Contrast this with one in 500 for Thai women, and one in 560 for Malaysian women.

Maternal mortality rates in the Philippines are unacceptably high at 162 per 100,000 live births . The corresponding ratio for Thailand is 110 and for Malaysia 62. Skilled attendants are present at birth for 60% of Filipinas, while the comparable figures for Thai women reach 97% and Malaysian women 98 %. Buddhists and Muslims seem to do better by their women than Catholics.

Moreover, when a mother dies in labor because she has not gone for prenatal check-ups, her baby is also likely to die in the first year if not the first month of life. Surviving toddlers are similarly at risk. An estimated 10 million Filipino women incur post-partum disabilities every year owing to poor obstetric care. Class disparities come starkly to the fore as fully 96% of women with higher education receive post-natal care from a health professional, compared with only 33% of women with no education.

Comprehensive family planning services


Catholics who support the bill appreciate the accountability it demands of government in mandating as national poli cy specific benefits to women and families, "more particularly to the poor and needy." Examples include mobile health care services in every Congressional district, and one emergency obstetric hospital per 500,000 population.

Midwives and skilled birth attendants must be available in every city and municipality to attend to women during childbirth in a ratio of one per 150 deliveries per year. Maternal death reviews will be conducted locally in coordination with the Department of Health and Popcom. Hospitals will handle more complex family planning procedures.

Given these and other benefits, educated Catholics feel vindicated in supporting a bill that offers women and families comprehensive health and family planning services as a matter of right and choice. Church proclamations alleging that House Bill 5043 is "anti-poor," "anti-women, " "pro-abortion, " and "immoral" ring hollow in the fa ce of empirical evidence to the contrary. The bill reads exactly the opposite as pro-poor, pro-women, anti-abortion, and respectful of human life.

Moreover, its provisions satisfy Catholic consciences as being compatible with the Church's social teachings, including the sanctity of human life and the dignity of the human person, the preferential option for the poor and vulnerable, integral human development, and the primacy of conscience. In this light they urge that the Church listen to them as responsible Catholic laity who offer their Church the advantage of evidenced-based approaches to the evolving needs of 21st century Philippine society.

By ceasing its attacks on the bill, allowing it to pass, and concentrating instead on monitoring implementation, the Church will convey an important point to its uneasy, increasingly critical lay members – that despite its hierarchical structure and celibate, all-male leadership, it can still respond meaningfully to the needs and aspirations of poor women and their families. At the very least, let us hope the Church resists the temptation to "shoot the messengers" who dare to articulate alternative but realistic Catholic views. (Mary Racelis is a sociologist with INCITEGov, Pasig City)


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Huwag Kunin-- Mga "Souvenirs"

. Friday, September 5, 2008
1 comments

Think twice about taking 'souvenirs' from airplanes, especially on international flights.
A judge here Wednesday fined two Filipinos HK$2,000 (P10,700) each for taking with them life jackets from their Cathay Pacific flight from Dubai .

Tsuen Wan Principal Magistrate Andrew Ma imposed the fines on Edwin S. Antolin, 52, and Crisanto R. Ramos, 29, after they pleaded guilty to the charge of theft. The life jackets cost only HK$400 each.

'Do you know each other?' asked the judge, who got curious why the two
would take life jackets from their flight. He apparently did not know
that many Filipinos had a proclivity of taking with them 'souvenirs'
from hotels, airplanes and other places they visited.

Both Filipinos denied knowing each other. They were seated on different
rows when they arrived here a t around 2:20 p.m. on Tuesday for a
connecting flight to Manila .

Ramos occupied Seat No.. 35B while Antolin was in No. 47B, but they
apparently had the same urge to take the life jackets under their seats.


Antolin put the jacket in his blue traveling bag, while Ramos hid his in
a red shopping bag. They did not foresee that they would be arrested and
charged in court for taking 'souvenirs.'

When they got to the passenger terminal building of the Chek Lap Kok
International Airport , their belongings had to go through an X-ray
machine before they take their connecting flight.

Airport security officers later told investigators that they noticed
'suspicious objects' in the Filipinos' bags. The passengers were
searched and the life jackets were found. Ramos supposedly even wrapped
his jacket with a blanket.

The security officers reported the incident to the police and Cathay
Pacific staff members, who co nfirmed that the life jackets were missing.


During police interrogation, the Filipinos denied any wrongdoing but
they later pleaded guilty upon the advice of lawyers after they were
brought to court.


KABAYAN... PLEASE... BUMABABA NA ANG DOLLAR...

WAG NA NATIN SADYAING BUMABA DIN PATI ANG ATING DANGAL...

ISAULI NYO PO ANG KUMOT, UNAN, KUTSARA, TINIDOR, KITCHEN KNIFE, PLATITO,
CUP AT PERFUME OR LOTION SA CR.... DI PO KASAMA YAN SA BINAYAD SA
PASAHE.

PATI ANG EARPHONE... HINDI NYO PO MAGAGAMIT YAN KASI PANG-EROPLANO LANG
YAN, MAY EROPLANO BA KAYO SA BAHAY NYO???
____________________________


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The Monk and The Baby

. Saturday, August 30, 2008
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Once there was a monk who lived in a village. One day a young village girl became pregnant and was unmarried. She did not want to expose her boyfriend. Out of fear when her parents asked her who is responsible, she pointed her finger to that monk.

Her parents were infuriated. The next day, the whole village turned up to blame the him. "How could you?" "You dirty old man!" "You are a disgrace!" "Get out of our village, you hypocrite!" Some villagers even threaten the his life.

After listening to all the accusations, what he said was "Is that so?" and went back to meditate. Months went by; the young girl gave birth to a baby. The parents of the young girl were forced to find a father for the child.

The parents and the villagers went up to approach him saying "You are responsible for this baby; therefore you should bring up the baby!" Once again, he said "Is that so?" He took the young baby in his arms and went back.

By this time the he has lost his reputation but it did not trouble him. He took very good care for this baby and he manages to obtain milk and everything the child needed from his neighbors.

After a year, he young girl felt ashamed and guilty and wanted to see her baby. She finally told the real story to her parents. When all the villagers came to know the truth, they all felt ashamed of having wrong him.

So all of them gathered and went to the monk asking for forgiveness. Once again, after listening to them said "Is that so?" He handed the baby back to the young girl.


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Connery launches book at festival

. Wednesday, August 27, 2008
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Scottish acting legend Sir Sean Connery has celebrated his 78th birthday by launching his memoirs at a sell-out event in Edinburgh.

Sir Sean launched Being A Scot in front of a 300-strong crowd, which included First Minister Alex Salmond, at the Edinburgh International Book Festival.

The actor backed calls by the SNP for a separate Scottish Olympic team.

He told the audience: "Scotland should always be a stand-alone nation at whatever, I believe."

The former James Bond actor also revealed his enthusiasm for US tycoon Donald Trump's controversial plans for a £1bn golf resort in north east Scotland.

'Local repercussions'

He told how he met the tycoon in New York soon after the proposals were announced.

Connery told the audience: "I said 'Well, I think it's terrific'.

"But I had no idea what local repercussions would be.

"My first response was I couldn't see anything but benefits for that part of Scotland because it's pretty neglected, apart from the oil fields."

Sir Sean joked with the audience about the stick he now faces from Celtic fans since switching his football allegiance to Old Firm rivals Rangers.

He said he had been a Celtic supporter when he was younger, after being introduced to the club by his father.

He was even involved in a benefit match for their legendary former manager Jock Stein.

"Then I changed my allegiance later with (Rangers owner) David Murray," he said.

"I met him when I got the freedom of the city here and immediately, we had chemistry.

"We enjoyed each other's company - he's an amazing chap and we've stayed very, very good friends since."

He added, to laughter from the crowd: "And I get spat on if I go to Parkhead."



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