And he wants to be President?

I got this from epic25@yahoogroup. I'm not against Sen. Obama, I just find this very funny. I wonder if this one is authentic.

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Tawa Muna Tayo

TEACHER: pangit ng name mo, Conrado Domingo! In short, CONDOM!
PUPIL: ok lang po ma'am! Pero mas pangit sa husband ninyo. Supronio Potenciano! In short, SUPOT!
> > > ------------ --------- --------- ---------> > >
REPORTER: Tita Cory, kung buhay si Ninoy ngayon, baka pangulo nasiya.
CORY: Naka bilanggo siguro
REPORTER: bakit naman po?
CORY: baka napatay na niya si Kris.
> > > ------------ --------- --------- ---------> > >
JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord, swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.
> > > ----------- ----------- ----------- ------------> > >
GIRL: lahat ng politiko, kawatan!
MAN: sakit mo naman magsalita!
GIRL: bakit, politiko ka ba?
MAN: hindi, kawatan!
> > > ------------ --------- --------- ---------> > >
BETH: halata na ang tiyan mo. Bakit hindi pa kayo papakasal ng BF mo?
MARIA: ayaw ng pamilya niya eh.
BETH: sino may ayaw, tatay o Nanay?
MARIA: yung misis niya.
> > > ------------ --------- --------- ---------> > >
Young lady to the new parish priest:
LADY: Father, ang cute mo, bakit pumayag kang magpari?
PRIEST: Ayaw kasi pumayag ni mama na mag-MADRE ako!
> > > ------------ --------- --------- ---------> > >
SPANISH
TEACHER: class, use FUERA in a sentence.
PUPIL: mi maestras son bonitas (all the teachers are beautiful)
TEACHER: oh, that's very flattering, but where's FUERA?
PUPIL: FUERA ka!
> > > ------------ --------- --------- ---------> > >
JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad.
DRIVER: saan galling?
PASSENGER: sa akin.
DRIVER: papunta saan?
PASSENGER: sayo
> > > ------------ -------- --------- ---------> > >
Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!
Misis: Eh ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino 'yun!
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs!
> > > ----------- ---------- ------------ --> > >
Job interview...
Boss: Ano ang alam mo?
Rommel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis mo, at kung saan nakatira ang kabit mo.
Boss: Tanggap ka na!
> > > ------------ -- ------------ ---- ----> > >
Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy na ang misis ko kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya...
Jorge: Ano'ng resulta?
Tomas: Nabawasan ng 10 kilos 'yung kabayo!
> > > ------------ ---- ------------ ------> > >
Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano, madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.
> > > ------------ -- --------- -----------> > >
Dalawang bank holdaper...
Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math.
Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!
> > > -------- ----------- ----------- -----> > >
Guro: What is 34 books + 25 books?
Pilo: 59 books po.
Guro: Good. Ang 18 + 29 + 30 books?
Pilo: 77 books.
Guro: Very good. Now, what is 950 + 136 + 672 + 490 + 854 books?
Pilo: Ma'am, library po!
> > > ------------ - ------------ --------> > >
Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado 'yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.

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7 Dont's After a Meal

*Don't smoke - Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher).

* Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before meal.

* Don't drink tea - Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.

* Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked.

* Don't bathe - Bathing will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.

* Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.

* Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.

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Tip for Today: How to smell a scam

A friend of mine emailed this to me, I'm sure a lot of you have heard of this, actually there's one in our place, without naming it, this company actually has already a total investments of P540 million in CARAGA region alone, and they say CARAGA is one of the poorest region in the Philippines-so much for statistics.


(This is part of Take Charge of Your Money, a content-partnership agreement between INQUIRER.net and Citibank Philippines, to educate readers on keeping their personal finances healthy)


Question: I just read recently about yet another investment scam that victimized a lot of people in the country, basketball stars included. They were duped in the millions of pesos and dollars. How can one tell if an investment scheme offered is a scam or not? I’d like to invest but want to be sure the plan I get is legitimate. — Joey

Answer: It’s sad to know that there are unscrupulous people who victimize unsuspecting investors. It has happened before several times, and it’s happening yet again. And this is not unique to the Philippines; investment scams have been reported all over the world for decades.

In fact, the notorious Ponzi scheme is named after Charles Ponzi, a man who cheated a lot of people in the US back in the 1920s. He became a millionaire in Boston using his investment scheme. The Ponzi scheme works this way: High returns are promised to would-be investors. The investors then plunk money into the company. More investors are enticed by the company and their money is used to pay off the promised high returns to the first investors. It goes on and on but will collapse later on as there really is no revenue generated. In the meantime, the owners of the company may have already fled with the investors’ money.

The pyramiding scheme is somewhat similar to the Ponzi scheme. However, investors are made to recruit new investors (to be called their “downlines”), and if they don’t, they won’t get much in return. There is no real product or service offered in a pyramiding scam, thus no revenue too. This scheme is also doomed to collapse, with the owners running away with the money.

Many investment scams have already victimized a lot of people in the country. In fact, the FrancSwiss Investment scam has made it to Wikipedia’s Notable Ponzi Schemes. According to that website, as of 2007, the company has allegedly victimized Filipinos to the tune of P1 billion.

How can you ensure that an investment proposition is legitimate and not a fraud? How can one tell if a scheme is a scam? Below are red flag signs to watch out for.

1. The investment plan offers or guarantees an interest rate that is much higher than prevailing market rates. In fact, these rates may be too good to be true. Beware of promises such as “50 percent return in 90 days,” or “double your money in 1 year.” These are unbelievable rates of return which the legitimate investment market will not be able to give.

Before signing up for an investment plan, study the prevailing market rates. Long term time deposit rates can go up as high as 6 percent per annum. Research on the Internet and go to legitimate websites of Philippine banks and financial companies and see how their mutual funds and unit investment trust funds are performing to give you an idea of the yearly average rate of returns. These may run up to only 20 percent per annum. Clearly then, a 100 percent return on your investment is very fishy.

2. The company does not take time to explain the concept of the investment thoroughly and pressures you into making a decision. They may give you testimonials of “satisfied” investors and just make a quick run down on the kinds of investments they will handle for you. Or they present you with awesome presentations of high risk investments you are not thoroughly familiar with, such as accounts receivable factoring, dollar hedging, commodities trading, etc., capitalizing on people’s unfamiliarity with such forms of investments and promising high returns.
Before you get into any investment, you should be given all the details of the offer or plan. You should also be given as much time as you need to study your options. Don’t ever be bullied into making an investment decision.

3. The company has no track record. When you get an investment proposal from a company you have never heard of, be extra cautious. Find out all that you can about the company: who started it, when was it incorporated, and what is the track record of the company so far. Some scammers may brag that they are a new offshore branch of a company based abroad that is why they have never been heard of. That’s even more reason to be cautious.

You can get information from the Securities and Exchange Commission, and from knowledgeable people among your network. When in doubt, do not transact business with that company. Instead, deal only with banks and established financial investment companies.

4. The company does not have a physical office address. If the company is legitimate and will handle investments from many people, they have to have a reputable office address, one that you can go into at any time of the day, or call by phone anytime during office hours. Take note though that there have been some companies with physical addresses that still turned out to be swindlers so be careful.

5. When you do finally invest, you have difficulty getting your money after some time. The returns may be very attractive at first, but in the long run, their checks may start bouncing, or you may be given promissory notes for the returns promised to you. Or they suddenly impose strict procedures, such as not allowing withdrawal for a very long period of time contrary to what was explained to you at first. When any of these happen, contact the Securities and Exchange Commission right away.

Investing is a good way to manage one’s money. Just make sure you go into it with legitimate entities.

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Maxthon: Really Good For Me!

I found another web browser which in my opinion is quite better. The Maxthon Internet Browser software -- a powerful tabbed browser with a highly customizable interface. A browser based on the Internet Explorer engine(your most likely current web browser) which means that what works in the IE browser will work the same in Maxthon tabbed browser but with many additional efficient features like...

*Tabbed Browsing Interface
*Mouse Gestures
*Super Drag&Drop
*Privacy Protection
*AD Hunter
*RSS Reader
*IE Extensions Support
*External Utility Bar
*Skinning

Plus some of my fave features include the ability to set up bookmark groups, such as news or blog sites, that open on start-up and the ability to autoscroll web pages without the mouse.

Try this for FREE! Click HERE for free download.

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