Speak English!

1) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
2) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
3) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
4) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis
5) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
6) Devastation - sakayan ng bus
7) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
8) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
9) Tissue - Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct - Ang pato
14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?)
15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?)
16) Deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
17) City - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6
18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading - Unang Kasal
20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING>
22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
23) It depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian
27) Profit - Patunayan mo
28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet
29) Backlog - bacon saka egg
30) Beehive - magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug - ang ipis
33) Defrag - ang palaka
34) Defense - ang bakod
35) Defer - ang balahibo
36) Deflate - ang plato
37) Detest - ang eksamin
38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote - ang boto
40) Dilemma - brownout!. a!
41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums - apat na kwarto
43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?

ei, baka meron pa kayung maidagdag dyan.. share nyo naman.

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Pencil Drawings --- Beautiful

These are beautiful, when a friend of mine emailed this to me. Wew, it takes a few minutes for it to come up on the screen, but it is well worth waiting for. Hope you enjoy as much as I did. Christ laughing! A concept I haven't seen before.

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Another Pinay Conquers the World

Pinoys really are world class, after Charice Pempengco here comes another pinay who also conquered the world.

On the second episode of Britain’s Got Talent season 2, the 33-year-old single mom named Madonna Decena blew the judges and the audience away with her rendition of the Whitney Houston classic “I Will Always Love You.”

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Marriage Jokes!

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ........ whether you're here or not."

(SHE'S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" inspite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

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Agree or disagree?

RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman cries her tear ducts dry, yaks on and on to her gfs, writes a poem, listens to sad music, raids the shops at Megamall ang goes on a full beauty make-over-all these in a month or less. Then she goes on with her life. A man only reacts from 6 mos to a year after break-up. This is the 3 a.m. drunken call he makes to his ex: "I hate you, you ruined my life...Uh, baka pwede pa tayo?"

MATURITY: Women take to maturity faster and earlier. A 16-year-old female can effectively care for an infant. A 16-year-old male can make the family dog drink Tanduay. That's why high school romances rarely work out.

PHONE ATTITUDE: A man uses the phone only if he has something specific to say: "Pare basket tayo bukas. Gym. 8 sharp. Bye." He delivers a short telegraphic message ang hangs up after 6 minutes. A woman doesn't need a particular reason to call a friend. She can visit her gal pal for a week and upon returning home, call the same friend and chat for three hours!

HANDWRITING: Men's chicken-scratch handwriting gives us a headache. Women's letters give men migraine: she uses scented and colored stationaries and dot her i's with circles and hearts. She writes to dump him and puts a smiley face or a sunflower at the end of the letter.

DIRECTIONS: When a female driver gets lost, she stops at a gas station and asks for directions. (tayo nga kahit tric driver eh!) A male driver simply won't even if a little voice inside his head is going, "May makakakita pa kaya sa atin na buhay?" He'll drive around for two hours trying to figure a way out.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Men take photography very seriously. They shell out thousands of pesos for state-of-the-art cameras and other equipment, build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women buy Kodak instamatics... and end up taking better pix.

BOXING: Observe a couple watching a boxing match on TV. Dela Hoya knock Chavez down and the wife says, "Kawawa naman, ang sakit siguro." Her husband groans, doubles over and actually feels the pain.

VANITY: Men are vain. They check their reflection on mirrors every chance they get. Women will check themselves out on shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, silver balloons, store windows, some guy's bald head.

TOYS: Little girls love toys but outgrow them at age 11 or 12. When little boys grow older, their toys just get more expensive, not to mention SILLY and IMPRACTICAL - mini TVs, car phones, VIDEO GAMES!

DRESSING UP: Women will dress up to go to the mall, beauty parlor or even the grocery store at the corner. Men dress up for weddings.

BODY: Women's magazines have a lot of naked woman on their pages. Men's magazines feature lots of naked women, too. For men, a woman's body is a work of art. For women, a man's body is hairy and lumpy.

HYGIENE: A man has 6 items (toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shaving cream, soap, shampoo) in the bathroom. Woman has 247, including such indispensible products as hypoallergenic facial hair removing cream, dramatically different and non-fragrance clarifying lotion #10 and apricot scrubs!!!

EATING OUT: When eating out, men will each throw out large bills. No one has a smaller bill and some unlucky guy would end up paying just so they can get the hell out. When women dine out, as soon as the check arrives, out comes pocket calculators!! (and even celfone calcu!!)

TRAVEL: If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack for 5 days worth of clothes and he will wear some things twice. A woman will pack 21 changes of clothes coz she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

RESTROOMS: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women see restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restroom will not speak to each other. Women who have never met before will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And NEVER in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant by saying, "Pare, i got to pee. wanna join me?" (bwahaahahahaha)

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