A PINOY LAB STORY

Bing, a beautiful Filipina fell in love with Edong.

She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her Tatay (dad).

Her Tatay told her, "Bing, you'll have to find another. Your Nanay (mom) does not know this, but Edong is your half-brother" .

So Bing forgot about her Edong, and soon planned to marry Ricardo.

But after telling tatay again, he said, "Bing, anak ko (my child), there's trouble still. You cannot marry Ricardo. Please don't tell your mother, but Ricardo and Edong are your half-brothers. "

Bing had no choice but to go to her Nanay. Nanay already knew and said "Anak ko, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Edong, because you are not related to Tatay."

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY....

-unknown author

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Philippine Cockatoo (Cacatua haematuropygia)

The Philippines is home to some of the world's most exotic birds. Over the years, some 577 species of birds have wandered around the Philippine archipelago. It is believed that 185 of these species can be found only in the Philippines. Sadly, these species are among the most endangered in the world because of deforestation and human threat. The Bird Life International has listed 116 resident species in the Philippines as "threatened" or "near-threatened".

One of these endangered species is the exotic Kalangay or the Philippine cockatoo (Cacatua haematuropygia), a species belonging to Psittacidae or the family of parrots. Cockatoos are treetop, hole-nesting birds which have a massive scimitar-like beak for cracking nuts, digging up roots, or prying grubs from wood. They have a long life span, some living more than 50 years.

Kalangay, also known as the red-vented cockatoo, is a common cage bird capable of mimicking human voice. It has a predominantly white plumage, which produces a distinct contrast against the color of the forest making them easy to locate in the dense foliage. Endemic only to the Philippines, it is the only species in the country that represents the cockatoo group.

An ordinary kalangay measures 33 centimeters in length and weighs 0.29 kilogram. Its unique feature is its conspicuous red under-tail coverts. It feeds on the seeds and fruits of wild trees or, in cultivated areas, on rice or corn. Kalangay wanders in small flocks outside of the breeding season, and visits forest edges and nearby plantations for food. The female kalangay normally lays two eggs, which hatch after about 24 days. Emergent trees 30-40 m tall are usually used as nesting sites, and coconut plantations on offshore islands as roosting sites.

The past decades saw the population of kalangays decline by as much as 90 percent. It is one of the three most traded wildlife species together with the talking mynah and blue naped parrot, all of which are found only in Palawan. Many hobbyists and collectors keep a kalangay at home because of its ability to mimic sounds as well as its easy adaptability to the presence of humans.

A great number of kalangays were flying in flocks across the Visayas and Mindanao islands 50 years ago. But because of the rapid deterioration of the forests where it lives and the threat posed by hunters and poachers of wild animals, the population of kalangays has diminished to only between 1,000 and 4,000 individuals. This population is now restricted to Palawan, particularly in St. Paul's Subterranean River National Park, Pandanan Island and El Nido Marine Reserve.

Unregulated collection and illegal trade of these prized species remain unchecked. A piece of kalangay is reportedly worth as much as $500 at the Cartimar bird market in Manila. Efforts are being made to save its remaining population in the forests of Palawan, which, sad to say, are also under threat. Kalangay or the Philippine cockatoo is a national treasure because it is found only in the Philippines.

-from txtmania

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Filipino Billionaires

Fellow countrymen, be proud. While most of us may be poor, with total net worth of a little more than what we wear right now, there are reasons to be proud of. Even though many of us are not privileged enough to own a house, a lot or a car, there is something in Filipinos that we can brag about. Well, we may not be a part of it but other Filipinos, and only a few of them, just give our nation an image of prosperity.

The country’s gross domestic product (GDP) per capita income may be less than US$1,000, but four of over 80 million Filipinos are getting a larger share of the pie. In fact, they are included in Forbes Magazines’ latest list of 497 world billionaires (in US dollars). Bravo!

Ironically, Finland and Austria where per capita income is more than US$24,000 has no representative in the billionaires’ circle.

Filipinos in the billionaires' list are Lucio Tan, with a net worth of US$1.7 billion; Henry Sy, US$1.5 billion; George Ty, US$1.1 billion; and Jaime Augusto Zobel de Ayala and family, US$1 billion. Their combined wealth amount to about US$5.3 billion or almost 7 percent of the country’s GDP of US$75.2 billion last year.

The first three billionaires were immigrants from China while Ayala is a scion of an aristocrat Spanish clan.

Tan, 67, owns Asia Brewery, Fortune Tobacco, Philippine Airlines and Philippine National Bank while the 77-year-old Sy manages the SM shopping malls. Ty, 69, runs Metro Bank, the country’s largest commercial bank while Ayala, 42, heads Ayala Corp., the largest conglomerate in the Philippines.

Other Filipinos who figured in previous billionaires’ lists are John Gokongwei, a property and retail tycoon; Manuel Villar, a senator who controls the country’s largest housing developer company; Danding Cojuangco, chairman of San Miguel Corp.; the Lopez clan of Meralco and ABS-CBN; and Tan Yu, a property mogul.

Who can accuse the Philippines as a country of poor people. I may be poor, but at least four Filipinos are not. And I am proud of this fact. Are you?

-from txtmania

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Pampagising

REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??
POLICE: DNA na...
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
POLICE: "Di Namin Alam "


MAN1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
MAN2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical
MAN1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!"


EMPLOYEE: boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager natin na kamamatay lang?
BOSS: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung papayag ang punerarya.

BOY: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
NANAY: Bat mo naman nasabi?
BOY: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase. Ang tinuro ni ma'am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!


Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator:
BUSH: "Lets help one another..."
ERAP: "Tayo'y magtulungan. .."
BUSH: "...let's strive together..."
ERAP: "...tayo'y magsikap..."
BUSH: "...because in union there is strength."
ERAP: "...dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!"


BONGBONG: Pare sinong idol mo?
CHAVIT: Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
BONGBONG: Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
CHAVIT: Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko.


Erap writing on a slum book:
Favorite Actor:
Arnold Scharzene... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarze... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarzz... ... (erase)
Arnold Shwazenne... . ..(erase)
Arnold Shwazenner.. . ..(erase)
Arnold Shwarzenneg. . ..(erase)
Arnold Schchwarzenne. .. (erase)
Arnold Clavio


HOLDUPER: Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?
BIKITMA: Ikaw na bahala..bastaa pareho po yan walang laman!


Sa isang mumurahing airline:
STEWARDESS: Sir, would you like some dinner?
PASSENGER: Ano ba ang mga choices?
STEWARDESS: 'Yes' or 'No' lang po

TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?
STUDENT: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday! ?


TITSER: Juan, use recharge & caffeine in a sentence.
JUAN: Si "Recharge" Gutierrez ay si "Caffeine" Barbell. ?


ERAP: Soli ko tong nabili kong DVD.
FPJ: Anong problema?
ERAP: Walang picture, tsaka sound. Sayang. Suspense thriller pa yata to. Tsk, tsk...
FPJ: Anong title?
ERAP: "The Lens Cleaner"



BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas....
TINDERO: Wala kame ubas
KINABUKASAN??
BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas.....
TINDERO: Wala kame ubas
KINABUKASAN ULIT??
BATA: Mama, pabili nga po ng ubas....
TINDERO: Sinabi na ngang wala e! Pag nagtanong ka pa, iistepler ko na yang bibig mo!
AT KINABUKASAN NA NAMAN ULIT??
BATA: Mama, may stapler kayo?
TINDERO: Wala..
BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas


PROMDI: Lam ko promdi lang ako kaya wag mo kong lolokohin! Bakit ganito ang kwarto ko?!?! Maliit, wala pang kama at bintana..... ha?!?!
ROOMBOY: Sir, nasa elevator pa lang po tayo...


MRS: Bakit ngayon ka lang?
MR: Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko, nagkainuman lang. Hehe! Hik,
MRS: Lasing ka no?
MR: Ako, lashing? Hindi! Hik
MRS: Anong hindi?! La ka namang trabaho, pano ka nagka-officemates?


JUN-JUN: Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin kanina!
INAY: Very good! Ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo?
JUN-JUN: "Sino ang walang assignment?"


TITSER: Ano ang hugis ng mundo?
JUAN: Kuwadrado po, maam!
TITSER: Hindi! Ang mundo ay bilog.
JUAN: Pero maam, sabi ng lolo ko, narating na niya ang APAT na sulok ng mundo. May sulok po ba ang bilog?



Boss asks sexy secretary to a dinner after overtime: Are you free tonight?
The sexy secretary replies: Sir, ha... huwag naman, FREE... Bibigyan na lang kita ng discount!


GIRL: Maganda ba ko?
BOY: Oo, kaya lang, Bumbayin ka...
GIRL: Hindi naman ako mukhang Bumbay, ah?! Tisay yata to!
BOY: Oo nga, pero 'yung amoy mo, Bumbayin!



ELISEO: Sobra na talaga ang katangahan ng kumare mo. Ang akala niya, ang LAWSUIT ay uniporme ng pulis!
JOSHUA: Sus! Tanga nga! Eh di ba, uniporme ng abugado yun?!


HOST: Ano po ang maipaglilingkod ko sa inyo?
TANDA: Pwede ho bang manawagan?
HOST: Ilang taon na po kayo?
TANDA: 98 y/o na po ako.
HOST: Wow! Ang tanda nyo na pala! O, sige po... manawagan na kayo.
TANDA: Itay, umuwi na kayo! Hindi na nagagalit si Lolo sa inyo!


Namatay ang isang mister na babaero.
Sa requiem mass, sinabi ng pari patungkol sa namatay,
…."An honest man, a good man, a family man" et cetera.
Binulungan ng biyuda ang panganay na anak,
Pakisilip nga ang kabaong kung ang daddy mo nga ang nasa loob!"

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