Joke of the Day

Use JULY in a sentence…
“Anak, pinagbinta­ngan ka raw ng titser mo na nangopya. Ano ang ginawa mo? Did JULY?”

***

May mga tinanong, “Makikinig ba kayo sa SONA ni Gloria?”
Tugon nila, “Hindi na!”
Ang ilan naman, “Para ano pa eh bobolahin lang tayo!”
Wika ng iba, “Hindi naman kapani-paniwala si GMA!”
Huh?!
Magpakatotoo nga kayo!
Ilan na ba ang napa­kinggan n’yo? Malamang nga, napakinggan n’yo na… babasahin n’yo pa!

***

May mga isinilang upang maglingkod.
Marami ang isinilang upang paglingkuran.
Si Gloria’y isinilang upang magsinu­­ngaling.
Tayo’y isinilang… upang bolahin!

***

SONA…
S-a mga
O-posisyon
N-awa’y maging bukas ang isipan…
A-tubilihin na lang ang positibong pag-unlad at hindi pamumulitika… Tigilan na ang maruming gawa ng pulitika!

***

WORDS OF WISDOM

“Men by nature are polygamous… which I would rather be… than monotonous.” – ERAP [Adarmi]

***

UMAWIT TAYO
Leron, leron, sinta
Suso ay papaya
Utong ay mapula
Puno ng gatas pa
Pagdating sa kama
Hubo’t hubad na siya
Kumapit ka, iha
Papasok ang sawa

***

PATALASTAS
Gusto n’yo ng kape? Ang masarap na pampainit sa umaga.
Mamili ka!
Great Sex Coffee o Sex Caffe, yeah
Let’s sit and sex for a while
One moment, one Sex Caffe!

***

Time
I’ve been passing time watching trains go by
All of my life…

***

Kumanta lang ako habang naghihintay sa text mo.
Sana, pagtunog ng cellphone ko…
IT MIGHT BE YOU

***

DAGA #1: Ako, tapang! Kain ako Racumin!
DAGA #2: Mas tapang ako! Kain ako keso sa mousetrap!
DAGA #3: Ako, tapang sa lahat!
DAGA #2: Bakit?
DAGA #3: Syota ko, pusa!

***

Makes sense?
“Be brave enough to love someone whom you know might kill/hurt you in the end.”
…Akalain mo, may lesson pa ‘yun?!

***

NANAY: Anak, gising ka muna…
ANAK: ‘Nay, ‘di ba, sabi ko, huwag mo ‘kong gisingin kung hindi naman emergency?
NANAY: Kasi, naubusan tayo ng Gasul. Hindi ko matuloy ang pagluluto ko.
ANAK: Ano po ba ang niluluto ninyo?
NANAY: ‘Yung paborito mong ulam… menudo!
ANAK: Emergency naman pala, eh!

***

Nagkasalubong ang lasing na si Makoy at ang dalagang si Brenda.
Biglang hinalikan ni Makoy ang dalaga.
MAKOY: Ay, sori, miss! Akala ko, ikaw ang misis ko!
BRENDA: Tarantado! Hindi ako mag-aasawa ng katulad mong bastos at lasenggo! Gunggong!
MAKOY: O, kita mo na… Pati pagsasalita… Parehong-pareho kayo ng misis ko!

***

ANAK: Akala ko ba, ampon n’yo ako?! Eto ang birth certificate ko. Ang tagal n’yong inilihim sa akin! Tunay n’yo pala akong anak!
MAGULANG: Pero anak… itinuring ka rin naman namin na parang pekeng anak.
ANAK: Ano na lang ang sasabihin ng mga kamag-anak natin kapag nalaman nilang tunay n’yo pala akong anak?! Ayoko na rito! Aalis na ‘ko!
MAGULANG: Huwag, anak! Saan ka naman pupunta?
ANAK: Hahanapin ko ang mga peke kong magulang!

***

MARK: Pare, kumusta na ‘yung mahi­nang preno ng BMW ko? Malakas na ba?
MEKANIKO: Hindi pa, pare!
MARK: Paano ‘yan? Gagamitin ko na ‘yan, eh!
MEKANIKO: Huwag kang mag-alala. Nilakasan ko naman ang busina, eh!

***

GIRLFRIEND: Hon, yayain mo naman akong lumabas! Kahit kailan, hindi mo pa ‘ko niyayang lumabas!
BOYFRIEND: Sige, lumabas ka na!

***

PULIS: Huli ka! Akala mo ba, tama ‘yang ginagawa mo? Huling-huli kang mandurukot ka! Alam mo ba kung magkano ang piyansa sa mandurukot na katulad mo? P1,000!
MANDURUKOT: Eh, sir… P500 lang ang nadukot ko…
PULIS: Ganu’n ba? Sige, pakakawalan muna kita. Bumalik ka sa akin kapag nakadukot ka pa uli ng P500! [Vin ng Antipolo]

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Top Of Burj Dubai

Burj Dubai has broken another record by fitting glass panels at a height of 512metres.

Burj Dubai, the world's tallest structure, has earned itself another record through the installation of glass panels at a height of 512metres, its developer Emaar Properties said on Monday.


Emaar said that the new world record could be credited to Arabian Aluminum Company, which had laid out the reflective-glazing panels on the 141st floor of the building.

“Burj Dubai is setting a new world record in all aspects of high-rise construction," said Ahmad Al Matrooshi, Emaar's UAE managing director, in a statement.

"With cladding undertaken on Level 141 of the tower, we have pushed the frontiers of engineering high-rises one-notch higher. Every aspect of the tower now serves as a referral source on the practicalities of developing skyscrapers."

Burj Dubai, which currently stands at 636 metres and is more than 160 storeys high, recently surpassed the height of the KVLY-TV mast in North Dakota, USA, at 628.8 metres.

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Flying Remote Controlled UFO Lamp feels like its Armageddon

Lamps have always been perched in one dingy corner of the room and are subjected to providing light to the rest of the house. Moving a lamp around the house is normally thought to be a stupid thing to do but when the need arises it causes a lot of inconvenience with wires all over the place.

The Flying UFO lamp we have here has something that most other lamps don’t – a remote controlled facility that can light up places that you cannot take the lamp to. There are a couple of rotary blades placed on the top of the lamp that allows it to take flight.

The UFO Lamp has to be preordered from NCSX shop and will ship in November 2008. It will cost $23.

source

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Sony Ericsson Announces Three New Walkman Phones

Today Sony Ericsson added three handsets to its Walkman lineup of phones. All three feature quad-band GSM/EDGE radios, stereo Bluetooth and FM radios. They will be available in select markets in the fourth quarter.

* W902: This high-end, bar-style music phone has many of Sony Ericsson's signature music applications and services, such as SenseMe and Shake Control. It also carries a 5 megapixel camera with autofocus and image/video stabilization. It comes preloaded with Google Maps, the Access NetFront HTML browser, and Microsoft's Exchange ActiveSync software for mobile email. It also has a scratch-resistant, 2.2-inch QVGA display. It will be boxed with an 8GB M2 memory card, but only supports European 3G networks.
* W595: This slider phone shares many of the features of the W902, but downgrades the camera to 3.2 megapixels and loses autofocus. It's 2.2-inch display is not scratch resistant. It adds a Share Jack, for sharing music with friends. It comes with a 2GB M2 memory card, and also supports European 3G.
* W302: A more affordable bar-style model than the previous two, the W302 has a 2 megapixel camera and comes boxed with a 512MB M2 memory card. It has a WAP browser, and does not support 3G networks at all.

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Aqua submersible watercraft, future transport vehicles

With the traffic going crazy and everyone concentrating on the high skies, two University of Seoul student designers Sungchul Yang and Woonghee Han are planning on exploiting the other mode-water. Now I know boats have been around for centuries, but what these boys are trying to provide is a novel way of individual transport. The Aqua submersible watercraft is a one-person craft that is capable of skimming the waters as well as plunging deep beneath. Sporting a dolphin like shape, this design won the 2008 Silver Idea Design Award. The design theoretically is a consequence of apt study pertaining to buoyancy control, oxygen supply and driver protection from the unrelenting water pressure.

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Microsoft Makes Windows Live Messenger Available to BlackBerries

The good folks over at Messenger Stuff have spotted a download link on the Blackberry web site for Windows Live Messenger (a set of Terms and Conditions must be accepted). In other words, the world's most popular instant messaging network can now be accessed from the official client on the world's most popular smartphone. Instant messages (including group chats) are sent and received using BlackBerry push technology. Windows Live Messenger for BlackBerry also allows the user to set custom status messages, log chats, show a Display Picture, use 60+ emoticons, and even send and receive pictures and files. The client is simple and lightweight, and aesthetically it isn't half bad.

Back in May, Research in Motion (RIM) and Microsoft made an announcement detailing that Windows Live services were arriving on the Blackberry platform. "Sometime this summer" apparently translated to July, at least for the mobile version of Windows Live Messenger. RIM and Microsoft previously said that "multiple languages" would be supported, but now we know that the client is available in Arabic, Chinese (China), Chinese (Taiwan), Czech, Dutch (Netherlands), English, German, Hebrew, Hungarian, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Polish, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish, and Turkish. Windows Live Hotmail for Blackberry doesn't seem to have arrived yet, but we'll keep you posted when it does. Both Windows Live services are available by signing into a Windows Live account just once.

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Slowdown in Online Advertising Hits Yahoo

SAN FRANCISCO — With the slowing economy taking a toll on the online advertising business, Yahoo said Tuesday that its net income dropped by nearly 19 percent in the second quarter from a year ago as revenue grew at a sluggish 6 percent rate.

Analysts said the results would do little to improve Yahoo’s negotiating position with Microsoft, which has tried to buy all or part of the company. “This is not a quarter where they can go back to Microsoft and say they deserve a higher price,” said Youssef H. Squali, an analyst with Jefferies & Company. “And Microsoft can’t come to them and say the business is falling out of bed and we can pick you up for a song.”

Jerry Yang, the co-founder and chief executive, said he was pleased with the company’s performance, especially in light of what we described as “extraordinary events,” including Microsoft’s takeover attempts and the proxy fight with the investor Carl C. Icahn, which was settled Monday.

“The indicators of Yahoo’s progress are promising,” Mr. Yang said in a conference call with investors.

The results fell slightly short of analysts’ lowered expectations. But to the relief of investors, Yahoo left financial forecasts for the remainder of the year largely unchanged despite ongoing economic uncertainty.

Yahoo said that net income for the quarter was $131 million, or 9 cents a share, compared to $161 million, or 11 cents a share, a year ago. On average, Wall Street analysts had expected Yahoo to report net income of 11 cents a share. Yahoo said its profit was hit by $22 million in costs associated with the negotiations with Microsoft, the proxy fight and related lawsuits.

Revenue was $1.8 billion, compared with $1.7 billion in the same quarter last year. Net revenue, which excludes commissions to advertising partners, was $1.35 billion, up 8 percent, from $1.24 billion a year ago. On average analysts expected net revenue to be $1.37 billion.

By comparison, rival Google reported last week that its revenue for the second quarter grew at 39 percent.

During the conference call, Yahoo’s president, Susan Decker, highlighted the importance of keeping Yahoo’s search advertising and display advertising business together. Noting that Yahoo’s share of search queries in the United States had inched up in the past two months — after months of declines — she said that she believed Yahoo could succeed in the search business, where it is a distant second to Google.

Her remarks appeared aimed at persuading shareholders that the company was right in rejecting recent offers by Microsoft to buy Yahoo’s search business.

Despite the truce with Mr. Icahn, who agreed to drop his fight for control of the company in exchange for three seats on an expanded Yahoo board, Yahoo shares remain in a slump and the company is facing mounting questions about its plans to reignite growth in the wake of its failed talks with Microsoft.

Earlier this year, Yahoo executives gave a rosy three-year forecast for growth, which few investors believe the company will be able to meet. And many shareholders, including Mr. Icahn, believe that the best course of action is for Yahoo to resume negotiations with Microsoft.

On Tuesday, Yahoo’s shares closed at $21.40, down 1.25 percent, and far below the $33 a share that Microsoft offered for the company on May 3. After Yahoo rejected that offer as too low — it wanted at least $37 a share — Microsoft withdrew it and said it was no longer interested in buying all of Yahoo. In the face of growing shareholder discontent, Yahoo has said recently that it would consider selling itself for $33 a share.

Yahoo shares rose to $21.89 in after-hours trading following the company’s financial report.

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Win 2 Movie passes of "Batman: The Dark Knight"

Bruce Wayne/Batman (Christian Bale) continues to eliminate crime in Gotham City with the help of Lt. Jim Gordon (Gary Oldman) and District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart). The Dark Knight wants to finally get rid of organized crime for good and be free of their corruption.

Batman soon finds that a new psychopathic mastermind known as the Joker (Heath Ledger) has taken over organized crime. After the fall of Carmine Falcone, the remaining crime bosses try to pick up the pieces. However, the Joker is killing them off one by one. The Joker's plan is to terrify the citizens and throw the city into chaos, and then kill Batman. Batman takes the fight with the Joker personal, which makes him confront his own beliefs. The Joker is the most dangerous criminal that Batman has encountered, and he will need all his strength and vigilance to defeat him. Douglas Young (the-movie-guy)

Check out also the trailer of the movie:



Malapit napo ipapalabas dito sa atin, you can win 2 movie passes here:

Batman The Dark Knight Quiz
Win 2 movie passes klik na dito!!!

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Joke of the Day: Mga Unang Halik

MISIS: Hon, may problema tayo. Nalunok ni Bunso ‘yung ginagamit kong lapis.
MISTER: Madali lang ‘yan, hon. Gamitin mo muna ‘yung ballpen!

***

GIRLFRIEND: Wow! Ang sarap pala ng first kiss!
BOYFRIEND: Talaga? First kiss mo ‘to?
GIRLFRIEND: Oo! Ang lilibog kasi ng mga ex ko! Gusto nila eh blowjob agad!

***

MISTER: (hinalik-halikan ang balikat ni misis) Hon, sige na…
MISIS: Ano ka ba?! Bumabagyo na nga, eh!
MISTER: (patuloy sa paghalik-halik at humihimas-himas pa) Ayaw mo ba nu’n? Mas maganda. Kasi, malamig.
MISIS: Ano ka ba?! Nakakahiya dito sa evacuation center!

***

GIRL: If my right leg was your lunch and my left leg was your dinner, what will you prefer?
BOY: I love the snack between meals! [Baby Chinito]

***

LINDA: Haaay! Ang kuripot talaga ng boyfriend ko!
THESS: Bakit naman?
LINDA: Biruin mo ba naman… sabi ko, gusto kong makita ang Baguio City… binigyan ako ng postcard!

***

Marapat na nabibigyang-halaga ang damdamin ng bawa’t isa.
Tulad ng magsing-irog na ito…
Kalibugan ng buwan noon… bagama’t malamig na umaalingasaw ang simoy ng hangin… ay lalo namang nadadarang ang nagbabagang pagnanasa nina Hugo’t Tina.
Agaw-hiningang nag­lulunoy sa dagat-dagatang apoy si Hugo nang biglang umalagwa si Tina…
“Hugo… Hugot muna!” samo ni Tina.
Sisinghap-singhap at kakayug-kayog na tuma­lima si Hugo… umahon mula sa naglalawang balon at nakuha pang magtanong, “Tina, bakit?”
“Bakit ka’dyan?!” asik ni Tina at kasabay ng tila kulog sa tag-araw, nasambit ni Tina, “Nauutot ako!”

***

Tinanong ng isang binata ang isang dalaga, “May boyfriend ka na ba?”
Kinikilig ang dalaga na sumagot, “Bakit mo naitanong?”
Sabi ng binata, “Curious lang ako kung may papatol sa ‘yo.”

***

Kasalan…
FR. DAMASO: Ikaw, lalaki, tinatanggap mo ba si babae upang iyong maging kabiyak?
GROOM: Father, huwag n’yo akong bolahin, ha?! Gusto ko, buo… ayoko ng kabiyak!

***

LOVE is like an ice cream.
May choKULET sa panliligaw. MELON naman UBEr sweet.
May BERRY sensitive. Meron ding mga MANGGAgamit.
‘Di VANILLA alam na masakit magMOCCAng tanga sa FUDGE-ibig?!

***

Di ba, masakit kapag inagawan ka?
Di ba, masakit kapag niloko ka?
Di ba, masakit kapag pinaasa ka?
Pero mas masakit kapag umiiwas siya kahit ramdam na ramdam mo… na may Boy Bawang siya sa bulsa!
Kadamutan, di ba?!

***

Nag-text ‘yung mahal mo…
Moment mo ‘yun, eh! Kuwentuhan to the max kaya inabot kayo ng umaga.
Kinabukasan, may nagtanong, “Puyat ka, ‘no?! Sino na naman ang katext mo kagabi?!”
“Iyong mahal ko…”
“Kaya naman pala, eh

***

Minsan, sa pakikipag-text, hindi mo alam… nagmamahal ka na pala!
Kahit hindi mo siya nakikita.
Pero naisip mo ba?
Na sa pag-ibig.. hindi naman mata ang humuhusga.
Puso, di ba?

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What is Marketing?

You see a handsome guy at a party.
You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

- That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says,
"She's fantastic in bed."

- That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party.
You go up to him and get his telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."

- That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy.
You get up and straighten your dress.
You walk up to him and pour him a drink.
You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie
brushing yourself slightly against his arm, and then say,
"By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

- That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy.
He walks up to you and says,
"I hear you're fantastic in bed."

- That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy.
You talk him into going home with your friend.

- That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.

- That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there
could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing.
So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center
and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"

- That's Spam.

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Joke of the Day: Jim & Edna

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "Hindi sya nagpakamatay noh! Pinatutuyo ko lang yun!"

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Tayo Rin ang May Kagagawan?

Sabi MO, ang gobyerno natin ay palpak
Sabi MO, ang mga batas natin ay sinauna
Sabi MO, ang lokal na pamahalaan natin ay hindi maganda ang pagkolekta
ng basura at ang paglilinis ng mga lugar.

Sabi MO, hindi gumagana ang mga telepono, katatawanan ang kalagayan ng
trapiko, at hindi nakakarating sa paroroonan ang mga sulat,

Sabi MO, parang nasadlak sa basura ang ating buong bansa
Sabi Mo, sabi MO, sabi MO.

E ano'ng ginagawa mo tungkol dito?

Kumuha ka ng isang taong papunta sa Singapore.
Bigyan mo sya ng pangalan,yung sa IYO.
Bigyan MO sya ng mukha, yung sa IYO.

Lumabas KA sa airport nang pinakamatino mong sarili na maipagmamalaki sa mundo..

Sa Singapore Hindi KA nagtatapon ng upos ng sigarilyo sa kalye.

Ipinagmamalaki MO ang magaganda nilang underpass.

Nagbabayad KA ng mga 60 pesos para makapagmaneho sa Orchard Road. (parang EDSA)
mula alas 5 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi.

Bumalik KA sa parking lot para bayaran ang parking tiket mo kung napasobra ka ng oras sa shopping o sa pagkain sa isang restaurant,

Sa Singapore, wala KAng sinasabi, meron ba?

Hindi MO susubukang kumain sa lantad kapag Ramadan sa Dubai.

Hindi MO susubukang lumabas ng bahay na walang takip ang mukha sa Jeddah.

Hindi MO susubukang lagyan ang isang empleyado ng kumpanya ng telepono sa London para mapunta sa ibang tao ang mga long distance na tawag mo.

Hindi MO susubukang lumampas ng 90 kilometers per hour sa Washington, at saka sasabihin sa pulis "Alam mo kung sino ako?"

Bakit di MO subukang dumura o magtapon ng upos ng sigarilyo o balat ng kendi sa mga kalye sa Tokyo?

Bakit hindi MO subukang bumili ng pekeng mga papeles sa Boston tulad ng ginagawa sa Recto?

Pinag-uusapan pa rin natin IKAW.

Ikaw na gumagalang at sumusunod sa patakarang banyaga sa ibang bansa pero hindi makasuno d sa sarili mong lugar.

IKAW na tapon ng tapon sa kalye pagtuntong mo pa lang sa lupa.

Kung IKAW ay nakikisalamuha at pumupuri ng systema sa bansang banyaga, bakit hindi KA maging ganyan sa Pilipinas?

Misan sa isang panayam, ang dating Subic Administrator na si Gordon ay may katwiran ng sinabi nyang "Ang mga aso ng mayayaman ay pinalalakad at pinadudumi ng may-ari sa kalye, tapos sila mismo ang pumupuna sa may katungkulan sa kapalpakan sa paglilinis ng mga kalye. Ano ang gusto nilang gawin ng mga may katungkulan? Magwalis tuwing makakaramdam ng hindi
maganda sa tiyan ang kanilang alaga? Sa America, bawat may-ari ng alaga ay dapat maglinis matapos ang pagdumi ng aso. Ganuon din sa Japan.

Gagawin ba ng mga Pilipino yun dito? Tama sya.

Pumupunta tayo sa botohan para pumili ng gobyerno at pagkatapos nuon ay tinatanggal na natin sa sarili ang responsibilidad. Uupo tayo sa isang tabi at maghihintay ng pagkalinga at umaasa na gagawin ng gobyerno ang lahat habang wala tayong iniaalay.

Umaasa tayo sa pamahalaan na maglinis, ngunit hindi naman tayo titigil sa pagtatapon ng basura sa kung saan-saan, at ni hindi tayo pupulot ng anumang piraso ng papel para itapon sa basurahan,

Pagdating sa mga panlipunang talakayin tulad nang hindi pagiging tapat sa kasal, sa mga dalagang ina, sa pagtatalik ng walang basbas ng kasal, at iba pa, maingay tayong nagpoprotesta ngunit patuloy naman nating ginagawa ang mga ito.

Sa sandaling tayo ay mangulila kapag nasa labas tayo ng bansa, naghahanap tayo ng aliw sa iba, kadalasan sa kapwa rin natin Pilipino, na hindi natin iniisip ang ating katungkulan na ating sinumpaan sa ating pamilya nuong narito pa tayo. Tapos sinisisi natin ang pamahalaan kapag nakikita natin ang karahasan sa kabataan, pagkagumon sa bawal na gamot, at iba pa, samantalang sinimulan natin ito sa hindi pagpansin sa pangangailangan ng ating mga anak ng tunay na pag-gabay at responsibilidad ng isang magulang Ang sabi natin, "Ang buong sistema ang kailangang magbago. Ano ang magagawa kung ako lang ang magpapabago sa aking pamilya?" E sino ang magbabago ng sistema?


Ano ba ang mga sankap ng sistema? Napakaginhawa sa atin na ang sistema ay binubuo ng ating mga kapitbahay, mga ibang tahanan, ibang syudad, ibang komunidad, at ang pamahalaan. Pero hindi kasama IKAW at AKO.

Pagdating sa ating pagkakaroon ng positibong handog sa sistema, ikinakandado natin ang sarili, pati na ang ating pamilya sa loob ng isang ligtas na pugad at tumatanaw na lang tayo sa malayong mga lugar at bansa at naghihintay ng isang Mr. Clean na dumating at maghatid na mga himala. O lumilikas tayo. Parang mga tamad na duwag na hindi pinatatahimik ng ating mga takot, tumatakbo tayo sa Amerika upang makisalo sa kanilang luwalhati at purihin sa kanilang sistema.

Pero pag naging masalimuot sa New York tatakbo tayo sa japan o Hongkong. Pag nagkahirapan ang paghanap ng trabaho sa Hongkong, sakay agad tayo sa susunod na eroplano patungong Gitnang Silangan. Pag may digmaan sa Gulf War, inaasahan nating masagip at mapauwi ng Gobyernong Pilipino.

Lahat ay handang umabuso at gumahasa sa bansa. Walang nag-iisip na handugan ang sistema. Ang konsyensya natin ay nakasanla sa pera.

Mga mahal kong kababayan, ang sulating ito ay matinding nakakakislot ng isipan, nangangailangan ng maraming pagmumuni-muni, at tumutusok din sa konsyensya. Medyo inuulit ko lang ayon sa ating salita ang mga salita ni J.F.Kennedy sa kanyang kabansa upang maitugma sa ating mga Pilipino.

"Itanong natin kung ano ang magagawa natin sa ating bansang Pilipinas at gawin ang nararapat upang ang Pilipinas ay maging tulad ng America at ibang kanlurang Bansa ngayon."

Gawin natin kung ano ang kailangan ng Pilipinas sa atin.

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Win 300 cup noodles

Yup, it's true. I'm serious. I just stumbled across this new contest where you can win 300 cup noodles! That’s a lot ! Wonder how long it will take me to eat all those…

They have an image of a boy and the idea is to come up with some funny text to put on his T-Shirt. The funniest text will be the winner of the 300 cup noodles. So why not give it a try and join now. Click HERE to join.

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Ano ang Tawag..............

Ano ang tawag sa

Lalaking taga Hawaii?

Hawaiano

eh yung babae?

Hawaiana

eh ang anak?

Pina!

Ano ang tawag sa

Lalaking taga America?

Americano

eh yung babae?

Americana

eh yung anak?

pantalon ang kanilang anak!

Ano ang tawag sa

Lalaking Taga Alaska?

Eskimo

eh yung babae?

Eskima

eh yung anak?

Eksema!

Ano ang tawag sa

Lalaking taga Bicol?

Bicolano

eh yung babae?

Bicolana

eh yung anak?

Bukol-Bukol na!

Ano ang tawag sa

Lalaking Taga Laguna?

Laguneno

eh yung babae?

Lagunena

eh yung anak?

Longganisa!

Ano ang tawag sa

Lalaking Taga Makati?

Makatino

eh yung babae?

Makatina

eh yung anak?

eh Kamutin mo na!

Ano ang tawag sa

Lalaking Taga Navotas?

Navotasno

eh yung babae?

Navotasna

eh yung anak?
Ay Maluwang na!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Pa Won't Like It

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.


"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."


"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

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Moral Lesson

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait'."

Kevin turned to his younger brother & said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

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Joke of the Day

Bill Gates organized a recruitment session to choose a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. Exactly 5,000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is MARIO DIMACULANGAN.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2,000 people leave the room.

MARIO says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try.

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience managing more than 100 people may leave.

2,000 people leave the room.

MARIO says to himself ' I never managed anybody but myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.

500 people leave the room.

MARIO says to himself, 'I left high school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

MARIO says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Mario turns to the other candidate and says "Ano ba yun, dong?'

The other candidate answers 'Ewan ko, pare.'

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Joke Joke Joke

SPC sis: "Butsoy balato naman para sa holy project namin"
(sa Sur they call the bastard Butsoy)

Cong. Pichay: "sister hindi tayo katalo, alam ko ang raket nyo. Huli kita."

SPC sis: "alam ko rin ang raket mo, Soy"

Cong. Pichay: "ayy, parehas pala tayo sister, apiiir"

SPC sis: "apiiiir"

***

Husband to wife: Day, didto na ko sa GSIS. Gipakita nako ang akong puting buhok, na-approve dayon ang akong pension application.

Wife: Sus, gipakita pub unta nimo ang imong uten! Approve unta imong disability application!

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Priests

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together,discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'"

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence.'"

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a male stripper, gorgeous, 6'2" and hard bodied. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "Oh my God."

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